22 Questions about College Hoops

By tedbauer2003 on Fri Feb 16, 2007 at 05:36:41 PM EST

With apologies to Chuck Klosterman, who once penned an article about the "23 Questions You Need to Ask Someone before you know if you can love them," I present now, essentially out of boredom, 22 questions about college basketball you'd need to ask another person before realizing your love for them.

Why 22, and not 23? Well,
a) I want to be at least somewhat original, and
b) I grew up in New York City in the 1990s. I don't like the number 23.

Diaries ::

  1. If you had a choice between listening to Verne Lundquist's "YESSSSS" on Laettner's shot over Kentucky or Gus Johnson in general at the end of UCLA's comeback against Gonzaga in the Sweet 16 last year - and nothing else - for the rest of your life, which would you select and why?

  2. Similarly, if you were told you could only listen to Gus Johnson narrate the events of your life from here forward, would you choose to end your life or move forward with it? And how would you cope when a simple trip to the refrigerator for milk necessitated a "AHHH... HE'S GOING FOR IT???"

  3. Suppose you could put yourself in any last-second moment in NCAA Tournament history. Whom do you choose - Tyus Edney, Bryce Drew, etc - and why?

  4. Which mid-major program best represents your life, and why?

  5. If you needed to equate the cast of "Saved by the Bell" - not the junior high BS, not that "New Class" garbage, and God forbid the college years, but the tried-and-true Bayside High gang - with members of the best Duke teams from the 1990s through the early 2000s, would you have a problem making Trajan Langdan be Kelly? Or would Mike Dunleavy be a better fit?

  6. Do you generally assume that in an universe beyond our own, there is a player named Greg Oden who is father to a player named LeBron James, despite the latter being, in fact, OLDER than the former?

  7. If you were, by some horrible act, sent to hell for eternity and had two choices - be repeatedly punched in the stomach by Mike Tyson during his prime, or feel how Lute Olsen must have felt in that 2005 Elite Eight game against Illinois - which would you choose and why?

  8. Name five celebrities that Dave Odom might be related to.

  9. If you were dating Coach K and broke up with him, and the break-up could generally be construed as "bad," would it be acceptable to repeatedly play the "I'm a leader who happens to coach basketball" ad on his answering machine over and over again?

  10. Would you trade 1/2 of your life success to achieve what Pervis Ellison achieved, counting his post-1986 life?

  11. What can be viewed as a higher form of art: a perfectly executed 1-3-1 zone or the "how-the-hell-did-that-happen" game winner?

  12. You're a coach. Do you: a) build a team from junior college studs, or b) pound the recruiting pavement until you get the kids you want? (The answer says a lot about you).

  13. More relevant picture of happiness: Thomas Hill after Laettner's buzzer beater or the Hampton players picking up their coach and dancing after winning as a 15 seed in 2001?

  14. Would you let Bob Knight, circa 1984, babysit your child?

  15. If you could pick a theme song for the 1994 Arkansas Razorbacks, what would it be?

  16. If a magical wizard offered you the chance to pull one major prank - such as the ol' kneel someone behind the guy and push him over deal - on a major college basketball analyst and not ever get caught for doing it, would Billy Packer logically be your first choice?

  17. Word association. The first words that come to mind when I say "Kansas, NCAA Tournament..." are? You can answer in less than five words.

  18. If you could predict the outcome of the 2007 Pac-10 Tournament in a Real World style tournament where each character was given a numerical value and pitted against other characters, essentially representing teams, would Puck be your Arizona State?

  19. If you were an athletic director, and had the single-biggest scoop of all-time, what reporter would you call first and for what reason?

  20. If John Wooden was coaching right now, how successful could he be/would he be?

  21. Provided that "Terms of Endearment" was re-enacted completely using mascots of major college basketball programs, what school's representation would be Debra Winger?

  22. Let's assume for a second that you could field an entire starting five for "AnyU" with mid-level super hero characters, meaning, of course, Superman and Batman - the obvious choices - are OUT. Who starts at each position, and what is the rationale? (Note: Inspector Gadget is NOT technically a super hero).

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22 Questions about College Hoops | 1 comment (1 topical, 0 hidden)

The answers (none / 0)

  1. Gus Johnson.  No question. The memories of Adam Morrison crying is much funnier than the memories of Thomas Hill crying. Plus I despise Duke.

  2. I would end it. I would check the date on the milk jug.

  3. Easy. Tyrus Edney. I purposely mishandle the behind the back dribble and my Arkansas Razorbacks swarm Okie State in the '95 national title game.

  4. Wichita State. Just like Wichita State needs to run the table to get in the NCAA, I need to kiss my girlfriend's ass everyday this week just to get the payoff on Saturday night.

  5. Langdan would do just fine.

  6. Not really, I think Greg Oden is probably just Lebron's older brother.

  7. Lute Olsen. I have had a queasy stomach all day. The thought of Tyson punching it is just too much for me by itself.

  8. George Soros, Ross Perot, Neil Diamond, Dan Rather.  Oh, and he looks like a really old Kevin Costner.

  9. Yes, most definitely. I would also use the George Costanza "believe it or not I'm not home" song for my greeting when he tried to return fire.

  10. No. The nickname that Ainge gave me would piss me off.

  11. The game winner. Good ones make me feel warm inside.

  12. I pound the recruiting pavement.

  13. Hampton coach. Crying is for pussies.

  14. Any day, any time. I would even recommend that they watch Knight's ESPN movie over and over.

  15. Dr. Dre & Ice Cube - Natural Born Killaz

  16. No, it would be Vitale. I would pay the wizard off to let me do he and Packer both though.

  17. Not in my final four.

  18. It depends. Will Arizona State be leaving in a wild rampage? Maybe they can shave points on their exit.

  19. Seth Davis. He would have the limited charisma to be upstaged by me when I pulled a Jerry Jones and intro'd a press conference with a 15 minute diatribe.

  20. Just as successful.

  21. Syracuse.

  22. The Flash at point. I'd love his quickness and ability to penetrate.  Aquaman would be my two(how many steals could he end up with?)and Daredevil could be a fantastic swingman as a 2/3. Punisher at the 4. He could double as my John Chaney goon, too. Omega Red would be my 5. A big Russian down low could be scary.
Captain Planet would be my assistant coach. The Stan Heath to my Tom Izzo.

by mattkno8 on Tue Feb 27, 2007 at 02:19:02 AM EST
22 Questions about College Hoops | 1 comment (1 topical, 0 hidden)
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